Top Tips for Raising Happy Boys
I remember the slight panic mixed with the overwhelming happiness I felt when I was told I had just had a son.
Having always been quite a girly girl and growing up with a sister, I had no idea what to do with boys! Yes, I had been a teacher for years, so I knew what to do with them in the classroom, but becoming a mum to a boy was a whole new world.
The moment I looked at my gorgeous son, though, I knew I would learn – or make up what I didn't know – very quickly!
Having now been blessed with another son, I feel really strongly about telling the world just how fabulous it is to have boys.
Too often, I hear phrases such as “boys will be boys” or “he's a typical boy” used in a negative way. But boys are individuals, just like girls, and they all have their own personalities, interests, strengths and challenges.
So, here are some of my favourite tips for raising happy boys and helping your sons grow into confident, kind and emotionally healthy young men.
1. Always Carry Snacks
This might sound like a simple one, but never underestimate the importance of snacks!
Active play, running around and growing bodies can make children hungry. And when children are hungry, they are often more likely to become tired, irritable and difficult to manage.
Whether you're heading to the park, going for a walk or spending the day out, having a snack tucked away in your bag can sometimes make all the difference.
2. Show an Interest in His Hobbies
OK, so you might not be particularly interested in football, Minecraft, gaming or whatever your son's current obsession happens to be.
But he is.
Showing an interest in the things your son enjoys can be a wonderful way to connect with him and open up conversations.
You don't have to become an expert. Simply asking questions and allowing him to explain what he loves can make him feel that his interests matter to you.
One friend of mine, who has three lovely sons, even started reading Minecraft books so that she could understand what they were talking about. She became a huge fan herself!
If your son loves football, you could even surprise him with a personalised football book featuring something he really enjoys.
3. Don't Just Ask “How Was School?”
If you've ever asked a boy, “How was school today?” and received the answer “fine” or “OK”, you'll know exactly what I mean!
Instead of asking a broad question, try giving them something specific to answer.
For example:
“Tell me two things you did at school today.”
You might be surprised at the difference.
Sometimes children respond better when a question gives them a starting point. Asking for two things turns it into a little challenge and can encourage them to think about specific things that happened during their day.
And once they start talking, you can usually ask a few more questions and keep the conversation going.
4. Let Boys Learn About Risk
Children need opportunities to become independent and learn how to assess risks for themselves.
Of course, this doesn't mean allowing them to do dangerous things unsupervised. It means giving them age-appropriate opportunities to learn how things work, understand potential dangers and make sensible decisions.
As they get older, teach them how to use everyday tools safely and explain why certain things can be dangerous.
The aim isn't to remove every risk from their lives. It's to help them develop the confidence and judgement to manage appropriate risks as they grow.
5. Teach Boys That It's OK to Show Their Emotions
This is one of the things I feel most strongly about.
Boys cry. Boys feel sad. Boys get frightened. Boys need hugs.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of these things.
We should never make boys feel that showing emotions makes them weak. Instead, encourage them to talk about how they feel and let them know that it's perfectly acceptable to express their emotions.
Give them plenty of hugs and affection and let them see that emotions are a normal part of being human.
Teaching boys that they can talk about their feelings from an early age can help them become emotionally confident adults.
6. Encourage Role Play and Imagination
Dressing up isn't just for girls!
Role play can be fantastic for children's imagination and can help develop communication, language and social skills.
You don't need expensive toys, either. Give your son some old clothes, a cardboard box, an old phone, a sheet or a few other random household objects and see what he creates.
You might be amazed at the stories and adventures they come up with.
Sometimes the simplest things provide the greatest opportunities for imaginative play.
7. Don't Compare Your Son to Other Children
Every child is different.
They develop, learn and mature at different ages and stages, and that is absolutely fine.
Try not to compare your son with his friends, classmates or siblings. One child might be brilliant at maths while another is fantastic at reading, sport, music, art or building things.
It can be very easy for parents to get caught up in who is ahead and who is behind, particularly when children are at school.
But your child isn't competing with everyone else.
Celebrate his individual strengths and encourage him to do his best rather than making him feel that he needs to be better than somebody else.
Raising Happy Boys Means Letting Them Be Themselves
There isn't a single formula for raising happy boys.
Some boys are energetic and adventurous. Others are quiet and thoughtful. Some love football and sport, while others would rather read, draw, build or play computer games.
The most important thing is to get to know your son for the individual he is.
Encourage his interests, listen to him, give him opportunities to become independent, let him express his emotions and, above all, make sure he knows that he is loved for exactly who he is.
Being a mum to boys has taught me that I didn't need to know everything before I started. I just needed to be willing to learn alongside them.
And I wouldn't change it for the world!